CHOICES

Choices . . . 

Ezra Taft Benson is credited with this quote about choices: “You are free to choose, but you are not free to alter the consequences of your decisions.”

In the Webb Zoo, we say it like this: "You get to choose and with each choice comes the consequences - good or bad - of that choice." 

You choose not to follow the phone rules. You choose not to have a phone. Your call Chief.

You choose not to go to bed at a decent hour. You choose to feel like crap the next day. But know this - you will not make the rest of us suffer from your crappy attitude.

You choose to drink before your are 21. You choose to suffer the consequences. Period. I will walk right beside you, but you will own it. Not me.

You choose to confront an adult who has pissed you off. You go girl! I'm secretly proud that I'm raising a strong young woman!  But know that I will not protect you. I will stand back and watch as you handle the consequences of that choice. 

You don't understand a school project so you just wing it. Cool, we all wing it sometimes. But eventually that will bite you in the butt and when it does, know that YOU, not I, will reach out to your teacher and you will deal with the consequences. I will not make it easy for you.

You choose not to keep your room clean. That's cool. I'm not going to scream at you. Your choice. But you will not expect me to help you find your stuff, because I won't. You will go to rehearsal without your dance shoes or your script and deal with a ticked off director. Not my problem. 

Simply put . . . I do not care.

I. Do. Not. Care.

What I care about is this: It is my responsibility to raise several of the next generation of leaders in America. That's my job.

I will not lower my expectations. I just won't. Nor will I take responsibility for their crap. They will own it. Period.

Here is the thing . . . I actually WANT my kids to fail WHILE they are living in my home so I can walk with them, help them process it all and grow from it. I want them to learn to see a not-so-great choice as an opportunity for growth. 

Listen, I would much rather allow my kids to have the natural consequences of being super tired, having another adult be tough on them or . . . yes, even seeing them get picked up for underage drinking than to protect them from all of that.

You see, life . . . it's not going to be easy on my kids or on yours. Randy and I, we won't be always be there to yell at them, to nag them or do things for them. So we decided early on in our parenting journey that we wouldn't do those things . . . that we would allow natural consequences to be their guide.

Our kids aren't perfect (I know you are shocked!) but as a type this . . . my daughters are out costume shopping for a benefit event that is being held tomorrow at the nonprofit I work for . . . they are making costume choices without me . . . AND then they are stopping to pick up my shirt order for the same nonprofit.  They are cyber schooled . . . they've finished their school work, their rooms are clean, they've pitched in around the house . . . all without ANY guidance from me . . . and now they are having fun together while they run errands.

My friend, Gail, says, "different mommies have different rules" and this approach to parenting may not work for every family. I get that. But if you find yourself yelling all the time and not getting the results you want . . . maybe it's time to consider the benefits of parenting with natural consequences.

Save the yelling for high school football games!