The Great Bear

I'm not a fan of roller coasters. Not at all. But two summers ago, I rode the Great Bear at Hersheypark. The desire to not look weak won out over a potential panic attack.

My translation of Wikipedia's description of the Great Bear experience goes something like this . . . 

Your hands will be shaking as you buckle yourself into the seat. Then you'll yank on the belt a dozen times wondering if the stupid thing is gonna fail. As the train begins a 90 foot climb, you will be terrified that you are going to pee your pants but you'll forget all that as you're swinging around into the 124 foot drop that leads into a loop and another loop and a roll. You'll wonder: "Am I going to fly out of the stupid contraption and plummet to my death?" Finally there will be a sharp turn and a corkscrew and two wide turns before the train enters a short brake run and returns you to the station.

Failure. Shaking hands. Fear. Drops. Loops. Rolls. Swings. Sharp turns. Corkscrews. 

I don't know about you but that all sounds a little like my 2019 so far. And my 2018. And my 20. . . well, you get the picture.

You know what I didn't mention in the Sherry's Wikipedia description of the Great Bear experience? The artistry. The amazing artistry. It's crazy but I kept my eyes wide open. I don't know. I guess I thought I could keep myself from dying if my eyes were open. But about 15 seconds after that initial 90 foot climb, I came to terms with the fact I am not manager of the universe and that if I was gonna die, I was gonna die and I couldn't control that.

But, you know what? I still didn't shut my eyes. In fact, at that point, I really opened my eyes and was amazed at what I saw . . . shapes and colors and snippets of scenery. It was like these amazing geometric shapes and colors were coming right at my face. It was an incredible experience. 

Here's the thing. Way too often, you and I are too focused on the drops and turns and rolls and fears and failures, so we don't see the positive things right in front of our eyes.

This year I've been working really hard to give up my role as the Universe Manager. I'm committed to relaxing more and watching for the amazing artistry coming right at my face.

How about you? What would change in your life if you stopped focusing on the drops and rolls and turns and fears and failures and instead relaxed and saw the amazing things right in front of you?

CHOICES

Choices . . . 

Ezra Taft Benson is credited with this quote about choices: “You are free to choose, but you are not free to alter the consequences of your decisions.”

In the Webb Zoo, we say it like this: "You get to choose and with each choice comes the consequences - good or bad - of that choice." 

You choose not to follow the phone rules. You choose not to have a phone. Your call Chief.

You choose not to go to bed at a decent hour. You choose to feel like crap the next day. But know this - you will not make the rest of us suffer from your crappy attitude.

You choose to drink before your are 21. You choose to suffer the consequences. Period. I will walk right beside you, but you will own it. Not me.

You choose to confront an adult who has pissed you off. You go girl! I'm secretly proud that I'm raising a strong young woman!  But know that I will not protect you. I will stand back and watch as you handle the consequences of that choice. 

You don't understand a school project so you just wing it. Cool, we all wing it sometimes. But eventually that will bite you in the butt and when it does, know that YOU, not I, will reach out to your teacher and you will deal with the consequences. I will not make it easy for you.

You choose not to keep your room clean. That's cool. I'm not going to scream at you. Your choice. But you will not expect me to help you find your stuff, because I won't. You will go to rehearsal without your dance shoes or your script and deal with a ticked off director. Not my problem. 

Simply put . . . I do not care.

I. Do. Not. Care.

What I care about is this: It is my responsibility to raise several of the next generation of leaders in America. That's my job.

I will not lower my expectations. I just won't. Nor will I take responsibility for their crap. They will own it. Period.

Here is the thing . . . I actually WANT my kids to fail WHILE they are living in my home so I can walk with them, help them process it all and grow from it. I want them to learn to see a not-so-great choice as an opportunity for growth. 

Listen, I would much rather allow my kids to have the natural consequences of being super tired, having another adult be tough on them or . . . yes, even seeing them get picked up for underage drinking than to protect them from all of that.

You see, life . . . it's not going to be easy on my kids or on yours. Randy and I, we won't be always be there to yell at them, to nag them or do things for them. So we decided early on in our parenting journey that we wouldn't do those things . . . that we would allow natural consequences to be their guide.

Our kids aren't perfect (I know you are shocked!) but as a type this . . . my daughters are out costume shopping for a benefit event that is being held tomorrow at the nonprofit I work for . . . they are making costume choices without me . . . AND then they are stopping to pick up my shirt order for the same nonprofit.  They are cyber schooled . . . they've finished their school work, their rooms are clean, they've pitched in around the house . . . all without ANY guidance from me . . . and now they are having fun together while they run errands.

My friend, Gail, says, "different mommies have different rules" and this approach to parenting may not work for every family. I get that. But if you find yourself yelling all the time and not getting the results you want . . . maybe it's time to consider the benefits of parenting with natural consequences.

Save the yelling for high school football games! 

This Is Me

Some days I'm kicking butt and nailing it in a conference room. Others days I'm literally curled up in a corner, overcome with anxiety.

This is me.

Some days I am very confident as I ask for someone to contribute 10k to the non-profit I work for. Other days I fight all kinds of demons to ask for a $25 donation.

This is me.

Some days I look in the mirror and think "I'm still looking pretty good for a 50 year old woman." Other days I look in the mirror and recall the day when I said that I looked ugly in a picture and my biological father told me "the camera only takes a picture of what it sees."

This is me.

Some days I keep my house is incredibly neat. Some days I leave the house with dishes in the sink.

This is me. 

Some days I forgive easy and love unconditional. Others days my heart hurts and I react out of that hurt.

This is me.

Some days I make the most amazing and healthy food. Other days I'm so busy that I am literally feeding myself and my girls Hot & Ready Pizza from Little Caesars . . . at 10 PM at night . . . in the car . . . as we drive home.

This is me. 

Most days I know that I am an amazing mom and wife. And then other days I feel like such a failure.

This is me. 

Some days I'm grateful for friends and the seasons that each one has walked with me. Other days, I want to hide away and not risk letting another friend hurt me.

This is me. 

Some days I am flipping awesome at balancing life's demands. Then everyone once in awhile I have a day that makes me laugh at the word balance and wonder what moron ever thought that you could actually live a balanced life . . . and I laugh even harder at the Sherry of 9 years ago that wrote a book on balance and I'm almost happy that a freak mishap kept that book from being published.

This is me. 

It's true. This is me. All of it. The good. The crappy. The in-between.

This is me. 

This is real life. No mask. (I'm claustrophobic so I couldn't wear a mask even if I wanted to!!)

This is me. 

It might be you too. If it is, if you relate to any of this, then let's do this crazy thing called life together . . .

Follow along. I promise you that you will not be bored and maybe, just maybe, as I learn and grow and share my life with you, you'll learn and grow from my experiences. And then again, maybe you'll just laugh with me or even at me. Either way, you won't be bored.